Going deeper

I had a dream a year or two ago, I’ll bore you with the details. It was prescient. I had left the corporate world, lost my girlfriend and basically every other crutch I relied on for status.

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It was by the seaside on fresh pavement, a loud dude on top of a corporate building saying “Julian, we need you. Come join us!” A tsunami came crashing down and wiped away the villainous asian lady with a bowler cap and black muscle car. I took refuge around the corner and scaled the ladder on the side of the building. Soaked by the sea but otherwise unscathed, I see my girlfriend from university down the corridor on the balcony. I get distracted by a friend asking if I’ve seen another and lose sight of the person I wanted to talk to. I hop off a ledge and land on a parquet floor, super cushiony on the feet.

I escaped the LinkedIn building and walked toward the seaside. A cove with children laughing, birds chirping and the sun glistening from the northwest behind this shabby old shack type house. I decide to furlough my trip to the sea and step inside the shack for refuge. Inside, behind the creaking screen door, I see rough, scratched wooden floors, none like the parquet I hopped on, and look up to familiar faces I’d never seen before and… fin.

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I’ve been waiting my whole life to be freely me. Instagram came out in middle-school. Then twitter. New communication styles to learn while I already felt misunderstood. Nightmares at home, prom king varsity athlete at school. Its been a constant ensnarement. The corporate world almost got me, but god set me free.

The sea is my creative potential, and it saved me. I search for it but it soaked me first. The shack is where I found myself after finance; driving a Zamboni in the arena I grew up playing in — familiar new faces giving me refuge. But its not refuge if you stay forever. I’m going deeper. Away from safety. To a village where the river begins.